A stronger year

Things aren't exactly fine at the moment. Crisis after crisis seems to spring up and swamp me like unseen waves but yet I stand strong. A self made monolith now hardened by the battering he's taken over the years. I never realized I was this strong. I never realized I can take this much drama and still hold strong in my convictions. I will survive to make another entry hopefully with good news.

All or nothing

A New Year and the promise of a New me – musings on life, trying to conceive, muscle gain and anything else I can think of as I embark on my latest journey. My eating has always been emotion-driven and my physical fitness has always failed due to my thinking. I can do well for a while, but as soon as I slip just a bit, I fall into the ‘All or Nothing’ trap.

I've been average weight since I was a child but loosen weight dramatically in lower secondary school. My mom would reward my good grades with McDs. Then she'd told me I needed to gain more extra pounds. Food has always been my constant companion, one that has loved me as much as I loved it. Food has always equaled love and acceptance, marked celebrations and sorrow. Still, how couldn’t I gain any possible weight?!

I’m a hard gainer (with high metabolism), and I’d hid behind my weight for many years...then one day, I blossomed. My buddy asked if I was interested to go for a swimming lesson – and I did! We rushed for the lesson almost every evening and I had no time to worry and wallow in my pity and self-doubt. Finally I become fitter before I really have the courage to go a step further –sign up as a member in a gym centre!

So now here I am –all 65kg of me (though my main target is approximately 70kg). It's time for me to regain power over my own life, especially for brand new year 2007.

Another brand-new year

Its now 2007. 2006 wasn't the worst of years, but it wasn't my best either. That's nothing new though. I could always give up the struggle and go on meds like the majority of my family. Somehow I doubt that would make anything better though. Life has never been that easy for me and I doubt it will begin now.

There's always that saying that if you didn't have the experiences you did, you wouldn't be the person you are now. I don't think I really care though. Even at the expense of changing everything and everyone I know now I think I'd take the opportunity to go back and live life differently, have other experiences than what I did have.

I hope that this year will go better, that there will be more exciting experiences filled with various things and with people that really understand me, that don't forget me, and that don't mind taking a little bit of time out of their lives for me once in awhile. I won't hold my breath but stranger things have happened.

I'm sure a more upbeat and cheerful entry will follow at some point. Until then life sucks, I don't have what I wish or what I need, and the amount of people that really understand me and care about me is extremely small and out of those people, the amount of those people that are actually nearby is even smaller. Happy Chinese New Year indeed.