不如不见

我十分喜爱陈小霞谱曲、林夕填词的《不如不见》，不完全因它是首极凄清的歌，而是它听起来别有一番滋味在心头。

前阵子，在镜子里看见自己，发觉肩膀夸垮，一脸于思，像是个怨怼的男人。还好，我现在已恢复正常，原来雷雨后是个蓝天白云的大晴天。

曾经，我也渴望被人拥抱，双臂箍得紧紧，紧得透不过气来，窒息不妨。可是，我一直学不会the art of love，无法把自己当脚底泥那样迁就对方，再怎么努力也不会是个好情人。

正如歌词中所写：“忽而明白，即使再见面，成熟地表演，不如不见……”

嘘——

运动让我忘却烦恼，它使我全神贯注发挥体能，做毕，浑身是汗，像是出尽一口乌气。在跨越2007年前，自己突然决定作出取舍，为未来劈开另一个出口，报读ACCA英国会计课程。我知道，半工读不同消闲，并非打草地网球，必须全情投入，否则难见成绩。

老友表示，我在爱情方面还是少了一份见解。霎那间，以前的一切，原以为已全部丢在脑后，并一笔勾销，不复记忆，但是不，我依记得。那种痛最要命，痛不死你，可是又每一分钟在痛，不能不做事，不能不思想。可是，想深一层，一个人不能哭，也只能笑，发泄完毕，又是一条好汉。

我想，活着的时候，真应当豁达一点，凡事不要太过计较，顺其自然。此刻我的确能够照顾到自己生活，但更希望往后可以学会什么都不怕，无畏谣言、中伤、失恋、失意……

Crazy He Calls Me

【lyrics by Carl Sigman / Bob Russell】


I say I’ll move the mountains
And I’ll move the mountains
If he wants them out of the way
Crazy he calls me
Sure, I’m crazy
Crazy in love, I say

I say I’ll go through fire
And I’ll go through fire
As he wants it, so it will be
Crazy he calls me
Sure, I’m crazy
Crazy in love, you see

Like the wind that shakes the bough
He moves me with a smile
The difficult I’ll do right now
The impossible will take a little while
I say I’ll care forever
And I mean forever
If I have to hold up the sky
Crazy he calls me
Sure, I’m crazy
Crazy in love am I

生存，就得承受快樂與憂愁，而我不覺得這玩意兒很過癮。我沒有自盡，只因我不能肯定死亡又是什麼玩意兒。如果，我可以有一個願望，我許願仙遊之後可以葬身海洋或雨林，大自然一點好了，別給我搞葬禮，也最好沒有墓碑什麼的。來得安去也寫意，多一宗沒有張揚的命案又如何？！

Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money in My Hand

【by Primitive Radio Gods】


Jan lays down and wrestles in her sleep
Moonlight spills on comic books
And superstars in magazines
An old friend calls and tells us where to meet
Her plane takes off from Baltimore
And touches down on Bourbon street

We sit outside and argue all night long
About a god we've never seen
But never fails to side with me
Sunday comes and all the papers say
Ma Teresa's joined the mob
And happy with her full time job

Am I alive or thoughts that drift away?
Does summer come for everyone?
Can humans do what prophets say?
If I die before I learn to speak
Can money pay for all the days I lived awake
But half asleep?

A life is time, they teach you growing up
The seconds ticking killed us all
A million years before the fall
You ride the waves and don't ask where they go
You swim like lions through the crest
And bathe yourself in zebra flesh

I've been downhearted baby
Ever since the day we met

狼 來了的故事從小就不置可否。世上真有非破不可的謊言？世上真的永遠沒有秘密？所謂的天網恢恢疏而不漏也許只是一般論。其實，有時候有些真相，只須要我本人 與造物者知道就是了。嗯，既然有造物者的監製著，說謊的規條就是不可捐人、害人、殺人...... 所以，長舌婦與偽君子都不得好死。

But Beautiful

【lyrics by Johnny Burke / James Van Heusen】


Love is funny or it’s sad
Or it’s quit or it’s mad
It’s a good thing or it’s bad

But beautiful
Beautiful to take a chance and if you fall, you fall
And I’m thinking I wouldn’t mind at all
Love is tearful or it’s gay
It’s a problem or it’s a play
It’s heartache either way

But beautiful
And I’m thinking if you were mine
I’d never let you go
And that would be
But beautiful
I know
Love is beautifull
I know



工作於我而言是消磨時間。然雖則這樣，但我從來沒輕瞄過一些經我手處理的事，一些我曾渴望認知的東西。

完成一件工作後，我會很容易的抱頭大睡，睡醒後也忘了。因為在過程中投入，所以我根本不需要刻意記憶，懂得的已混和血液隨身體流動。此舉還不停的讓腦部有新鮮又帶氧的血液，時刻都保持新鮮感，我也才有能力更進一步。

也因為凡事都投入，不追悔漸成座右銘。

I Get Along Without You Very Well

【lyrics by Hoagy Carmichael】

I get along without you very well
Of course, I do
Except when soft rains fall
And drip from leaves
Then I recall
The thrill of being sheltered in your arms
Of course, I do
But I get along without you very well

I’ve forgotten you just like I should
Of course, I have
Except to hear your name
Or someone’s laugh that is the same
But I’ve forgotten you just like I should

What a guy
What a fool am I
To think my breaking heart
Could kid the moon
What’s in store
Should I fall once more
No, it’s best that I stick to my tune

I get along without you very well
Of course, I do
Except perhaps in spring
But I should never think of spring
For that would surely break my heart in two

What’s in store
Should I fall once more
No, it’s best that I stick to my tune

I get along without you very well
Of course, I do
Except perhaps in spring
But I should never think of spring
For that would surely break my heart in two



一生人，我有這麼那麼多個理想，但有些根本不到我想。也有更多的是得到會變樣。曾經，我遇見很多久不久隔靴搔癢的過客。如今，我寧願運用自由想像，任誰都不想再重傷。畢竟，梵谷畫只可景仰，難住進現場。

Stormy Weather

【lyrics by Ted Koehler / Harold Arlen】


Don’t know why there’s no sun up in the sky
Stormy weather
Since my man and I ain’t together,
Keeps rainin’ all the time

Life is bare, gloom and mis’ry everywhere
Stormy weather
Just can’t get my poorself together,
I’m weary all the time
So weary all the time
When he went away the blues walked in and met me.
If he stays away old rockin’ chair will get me.

All I do is pray the lord above will let me walk in the sun once more.
Can’t go on, ev’ry thing I had is gone
Stormy weather

Since my man and I ain’t together,
Keeps rainin’ all the time



我就是不知是耳背還是太目中無人，從來都會在很久以後，才知道甲乙丙丁戊說過我的壞話。知道的時候，已是明日黃花，亦即沒有要去探究的必要。我相信對錯，黑白是分明，我一定會作一個聰明的選擇，不理會。

Bewitched

【by Ella Fitzgerald】

After one whole quart of brandy
Like a daisy, I’m awake
With no bromo-seltzer handy
I don’t even shake

Men are not a new sensation
I’ve done pretty well I think
But this half-pint imitation
Put me on the blink

I’m wild again, beguiled again
A simpering, whimpering child again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered – am I

Couldn’t sleep and wouldn’t sleep
When love came and told me, I shouldn’t sleep
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered – am I

Lost my heart, but what of it
He is cold I agree
He can laugh, but I love it
Although the laugh’s on me

I’ll sing to him, each spring to him
And long, for the day when I’ll cling to him
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered – am I

He’s a fool and don’t I know it
But a fool can have his charms
I’m in love and don’t I show it
Like a babe in arms

Love’s the same old sad sensation
Lately I’ve not slept a wink
Since this half-pint imitation
Put me on the blink

I’ve sinned a lot, I’m mean a lot
But I’m like sweet seventeen a lot
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered – am I

I’ll sing to him, each spring to him
And worship the trousers that cling to him
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered – am I

When he talks, he is seeking
Words to get, off his chest
Horizontally speaking, he’s at his very best

Vexed again, perplexed again
Thank god, I can be oversexed again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered – am I

Wise at last, my eyes at last,
Are cutting you down to your size at last
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - no more

Burned a lot, but learned a lot
And now you are broke, so you earned a lot
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered – no more

Couldn’t eat, was dyspeptic
Life was so hard to bear
Now my heart’s antiseptic
Since you moved out of there

Romance ––finish, your chance ––finish.
Those ants that invaded my pants ––finish.
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered – no more



我仍是每天的生存，是因為我從來很清楚我的世界。我給予自己很多生活的享受，給予自己很多的任務日復日的去完成。我給自己吃得最好，也給自己穿得漂亮，因為這是我生存的基本權利和義務。沒有其他。

Lady Sings The Blues

【lyrics by Billie Holiday / Herbie Nichols】

Lady sings the blues
She’s got them bad
She feels so sad
Wants the world to know
Just what the blues is all about

Lady sings the blues
She tells her side
Nothing to hide
Now the world will now
Just what the blues is all about
The blues ain’t nothing but a pain in your heart
When you get a bad start
When you and your man have to part
I ain’t gonna just sit around and cry
And now I won’t die
Because I love him

Lady sings the blues
She’s got ’em bad
She feels so sad
The world will know
She’s never gonna sing them no more

No more

曾經問過一個人，這個世界若沒有了我，世界會否有不同？這人說：「當然有，對我可不同了。」不停求自己的肯定，求其他人的肯定，求存在主義，但套用一句廣東話：不值一晒。

Be Careful, Love!

Be careful, love, and don't sweep me off my feet
For you've bad knees that may give way
And we both would fall.

Be careful, love, and don't make promises you can't keep
For tongues become tied
And lose meaning in what they say.

Be careful, love, and don't take my heart if ever we are done
But give it back
So true may have his turn.

Pretending

Pretending
I do it so well
Your words they didn't hurt me
If they did
You'd never know
I hid it so well

Pretending
I do it so well
My world didn't end when you walked away
If it did
I'd never tell

Pretending
I do it so well
I never cried, not even once
At least until night fell